Total Satisfaction in a Pub

photo by Loren Tama

Someone somewhere at sometime decided to adjoin a phenomenal authentic Thai restaurant with a classic English pub.  I want to shake that someone's hand.

The pub/restaurant is the Churchill Arms located in London's posh Notting Hill.  As I sit here now, sleepily allowing my food coma to abate, I reflect on the sublime combination of spicy Thai, Winston Churchill memorabilia, and refreshing Albarino.  All this following five hours without food.  I lift the bottle of Pol Roget - Churchill's favorite Champagne - perched on a shelf next to me.  It is empty.  I don't know what I was expecting, but I don't care either way.  Right now I am reflecting.

This euphoric condition began with nothing more than toast, marmalade, and musli about 300 miles northeast of London.  As the drive back to London came to a close, the hunger set in.  The perfect answer turned out to be pad ga praw (one order of chicken, one of beef); kaeng kiew waan, or green curry (chicken); and the classic pad Thai.  With shrimp.  Spring rolls kicked off the feast, which was enjoyed by no more people than my tiny girlfriend and myself.  Halfway through the feast, two words escaped my mouth: goodness gracious.

I just experienced total satisfaction in a pub.

photo by Loren Tama

Goodbye Starbucks, Hello Peet's

photo by Antoinne Rimes

It's over!  I have said so long to Starbucks' coffee.  We grew apart awhile ago and only recently did I try to salvage the relationship. I want to say it's not them but me, but it's really them.  Or, I should say it's because of Peet's coffee that I no longer care for Starbucks' coffee anymore. 

I was so into Starbucks.  I had their coffee everyday like clockwork.  A venti cappuccino with two packets of Splendawas my order.  I was there so much the baristas didn't ask me for my drink order anymore.  They would say, " …and anything to eat?" 

I was Norm and Starbucks was my Cheers. 

Then, it, crashed into my life.  I don't know if it was the longing for something new, or the feeling that I just could not go on being unhappy and feeling like there was something missing from my daily brew.  I knew I was stepping over a line that most never cross, but I needed to feel whole.  

I needed to know that there was no other option out there that I was letting slip by because I was comfortable where I was at. 

That's how I was seduced over to the dark, intense flavor of Peet's coffee.  Like some exotic beauty with luscious lips and curvy hips, Peet's coffee-soul kissed me away from the frumpy girl next door: Starbucks. 

Starbucks coffee is like being kissed on the cheek at the family reunion by the pretty cousin you have a crush on, and Peet's coffee is like being French kissed by a naked Rosario Dawson on a deserted strip of beach in the Caribbean.  I could never go back once I tasted the deep roasted flavor of Peet's slightly bitter brew.  

After one sip of Peet's coffee, Starbucks' coffee seemed like a warm beverage for children.  There was no depth of flavor, no hint of far off lands and foreign cultures like there was in every sip of Peet's lovely brew.  Starbucks' coffee simply lay there and expected me to be happy that I was with it… no effort, no passion, only hype.  While Peet's coffee would grab me, feel me up, and then kiss me, as if it was saying, "Hello, baby, I really missed you."

In time, I went hard core and started getting my small cappuccino dry with four packets of Splenda.  The sweet taste of Splenda melded with the bitter taste of Peet's coffee, transforming my drink into and exciting mélange of flavor and seduction.  I tasted dark chocolate with cherry overtones, and the sweet bitterness of dark treacle.  

This coffee…this woman, dark and lovely is my mistress.  She is my passion, my obsession, and my muse.  I am merely existing in-between the times when I have her and when I do not. 

Good bye, Starbucks… pretty, dull cousin.  Hello my dark beauty, my love.

Padma Lakshmi and Me

photo by Antoinne Rimes

I had that Padma Lakshmi dream again...

The one where she comes to San Francisco, and I accidentally meet her in the street. She is alone and looks scared and confused.  She asks me where she can get a really good apple fritter, and I tell her I know of a secret place where happiness is deep fried dough drenched in a sugary glaze.

She looks at me with tears in her eyes and asks me if she can kiss me.   I tell her yes.  We kiss, and we head off to this little place in the Tenderloin I know of that makes the best apple fritters in the city.

Imagine an apple fritter the same hue as Padma’s skin, and as sweet as a kiss from her luscious lips.  That’s the eighth happiness, the happiness of deep fried and sugary things.  It is the $1.45 Nirvana.

The Nirvana that requires no mountain climbing or chanting, only the desire to receive peace.   That is what it must be like to kiss Padma Lakshmi…nirvana.  Padma is my fantasy, but that apple fritter is available for a buck forty-five every day.

Emotional eating, maybe, but I am aware. I limit myself to one awesome, deliciousness every month, or I would never have a shot at the real thing.  Padma, I await you. Come to me.

Update on 2009-04-01 01:27 by Dave Koch

For all of those who have emailed about the location of this luscious fritter, it is from Gateway Croissant in San Francisco on the corner of Larkin and Golden Gate.

Real California Milk Happy Cow Auditions

This is one of the funniest ads I've ever seen.

Vote for Soo here.  

Ode to My Stove - "Old Yeller"

photo by Dave Koch

Sweet aromas waft through the abode
emanating from the P7 stove.
The repertoire of cuisine is quite eclectic
that is prepared with my General Electric.

Sometimes I wish I cooked with gas
but those "grass is greener" feelings pass
when I look at Old Yeller's glowing range
I admire electric's superior heat exchange.

Sensation, something she may be lacking,
but her results are lip-smacking.
Mustard yellow, with no uncertainty,
was much the fad in 1970.

Through her veins runs pure electricity
Her beauty lies in her simplicity.
My pushbutton heating options are five
WM - LO - 3 - 2 - HI

Mister Mustard

I am always on the lookout for a great hot sauce, or superior hot mustard. Strolling through the Winter Fancy Food Showcase in San Francisco, California in January, I discovered THE hot mustard. The name is simple and to the point: Mr. Mustard-Hot.

Mister Mustard-Hot has the brain numbing, sinus-clearing experience lovers of hot mustard crave, but it also has a great taste which brings out the sweetness in meats, and adds a nice kick to sauces. I put it on roast chicken, bacon, and red leaf lettuce, all sandwiched between toasted sour dough bread, lacquered with really good mayo.

I drop the mustard on the meat in little dollops so that when I press the sandwich together the mustard spreads out unevenly, giving me nice pockets of mustard, or no mustard in each bite. I like this teasing of my taste buds, hide-and-go-seek for the spicy bite.

Mr. Mustard-Hot puts those chi-chi French Dijon mustards to shame.

If you can find Mr. Mustard-Hot in your city, or anywhere else, buy it.  I promise you once you have tasted Mr. Mustard-Hot you will throw away that other stuff you call hot mustard.

Food Related Ig Nobel Prizes

 photo by jeff dlouhy

The Ig Nobel Prizes are a parody of the Nobel Prizes - awarded each year by the scientific humor magazine Annals of Improbable Research.  They began in 1991 as a way to draw attention to projects "that cannot, or should not, be reproduced."  It is a humorous event each October on Harvard's campus and the awards are handed out by genuine Nobel Laureates.

I went through the list of past winners and culled out the food related awards.  If I put my mind to it, maybe I could win an Ig Nobel Prize too:

2008

NUTRITION PRIZE. Massimiliano Zampini of the University of Trento, Italy and Charles Spence of Oxford University, UK,  for electronically modifying the sound of a potato chip to make the person chewing the chip believe it to be crisper and fresher than it really is. 

CHEMISTRY PRIZE. Sharee A. Umpierre of the University of Puerto Rico, Joseph A. Hill of The Fertility Centers of New England (USA), Deborah J. Anderson of Boston University School of Medicine and Harvard Medical School (USA), for discovering that Coca-Cola is an effective spermicide, and to Chuang-Ye Hong of Taipei Medical University (Taiwan), C.C. Shieh, P. Wu, and B.N. Chiang (all of Taiwan) for discovering that it is not.

2007

CHEMISTRY: Mayu Yamamoto of the International Medical Center of Japan, for developing a way to extract vanillin -- vanilla fragrance and flavoring -- from cow dung.
PRESS NOTE: Toscanini's Ice Cream, the finest ice cream shop in Cambridge, Massachusetts, created a new ice cream flavor in honor of Mayu Yamamoto, and introduced it at the Ig Nobel ceremony. The flavor is called "Yum-a-Moto Vanilla Twist." 

NUTRITION: Brian Wansink of Cornell University (from our article Is The 'Joy of Cooking' Fattening Us Up?), for exploring the seemingly boundless appetites of human beings, by feeding them with a self-refilling, bottomless bowl of soup.

2006

NUTRITION: Wasmia Al-Houty of Kuwait University and Faten Al-Mussalam of the Kuwait Environment Public Authority, for showing that dung beetles are finicky eaters.

PHYSICS: Basile Audoly and Sebastien Neukirch of the Université Pierre et Marie Curie, in Paris, for their insights into why, when you bend dry spaghetti, it often breaks into more than two pieces.

CHEMISTRY: Antonio Mulet, José Javier Benedito and José Bon of the University of Valencia, Spain, and Carmen Rosselló of the University of Illes Balears, in Palma de Mallorca, Spain,  for their study "Ultrasonic Velocity in Cheddar Cheese as Affected by Temperature."

BIOLOGY: Bart Knols and Ruurd de Jong of Wageningen Agricultural University for showing that the female malaria mosquito Anopheles gambiae is attracted equally to the smell of limburger cheese and to the smell of human feet.

2005

CHEMISTRY: Edward Cussler of the University of Minnesota and Brian Gettelfinger of the University of Minnesota and the University of Wisconsin, for conducting a careful experiment to settle the longstanding scientific question: can people swim faster in syrup or in water?

NUTRITION: Dr. Yoshiro Nakamats of Tokyo, Japan, for photographing and retrospectively analyzing every meal he has consumed during a period of 34 years (and counting).

2004

PUBLIC HEALTH
Jillian Clarke of the Chicago High School for Agricultural Sciences, and then Howard University, for investigating the scientific validity of the Five-Second Rule about whether it's safe to eat food that's been dropped on the floor.

2003

PHYSICS
Jack Harvey, John Culvenor, Warren Payne, Steve Cowley, Michael Lawrance, David Stuart, and Robyn Williams of Australia, for their irresistible report "An Analysis of the Forces Required to Drag Sheep over Various Surfaces."

BIOLOGY
C.W. Moeliker, of Natuurhistorisch Museum Rotterdam, the Netherlands, for documenting the first scientifically recorded case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard duck.

2002

PHYSICS
Arnd Leike of the University of Munich, for demonstrating that beer froth obeys the mathematical Law of Exponential Decay. 

2001

MEDICINE
Peter Barss of McGill University, for his impactful medical report "Injuries Due to Falling Coconuts." 

BIOLOGY
Buck Weimer of Pueblo, Colorado for inventing Under-Ease, airtight underwear with a replaceable charcoal filter that removes bad-smelling gases before they escape.

2000

LITERATURE
Jasmuheen (formerly known as Ellen Greve) of Australia, first lady of Breatharianism, for her book "Living on Light," which explains that although some people do eat food, they don't ever really need to.

1999

SOCIOLOGY
Steve Penfold, of York University in Toronto, for doing his PhD thesis on the sociology of Canadian donut shops.

PHYSICS
Dr. Len Fisher of Bath, England and Sydney, Australia for calculating the optimal way to dunk a biscuit.
...and...
Professor Jean-Marc Vanden-Broeck of the University of East Anglia, England, and Belgium, for calculating how to make a teapot spout that does not drip.

LITERATURE
The British Standards Institution for its six-page specification (BS-6008) of the proper way to make a cup of tea.

BIOLOGY
Dr. Paul Bosland, director of The Chile Pepper Institute, New Mexico State University, Las Cruces, New Mexico, for breeding a spiceless jalapeno chile pepper.

1998

BIOLOGY
Peter Fong of Gettysburg College, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, for contributing to the happiness of clams by giving them Prozac.

1997

BIOLOGY
T. Yagyu and his colleagues from the University Hospital of Zurich, Switzerland, from Kansai Medical University in Osaka, Japan, and from Neuroscience Technology Research in Prague, Czech Republic, for measuring people's brainwave patterns while they chewed different flavors of gum.

METEOROLOGY
Bernard Vonnegut of the State University of Albany, for his revealing report, "Chicken Plucking as Measure of Tornado Wind Speed."

1996

BIOLOGY
Anders Barheim and Hogne Sandvik of the University of Bergen, Norway, for their tasty and tasteful report, "Effect of Ale, Garlic, and Soured Cream on the Appetite of Leeches."

PHYSICS
Robert Matthews of Aston University, England, for his studies of Murphy's Law, and especially for demonstrating that toast often falls on the buttered side.

CHEMISTRY
George Goble of Purdue University, for his blistering world record time for igniting a barbeque grill-three seconds, using charcoal and liquid oxygen.

1995

NUTRITION
John Martinez of J. Martinez & Company in Atlanta, Georgia, for Luak Coffee, the world's most expensive coffee, which is made from coffee beans ingested and excreted by the luak (aka, the palm civet), a bobcat-like animal native to Indonesia.

PHYSICS  
D.M.R. Georget, R. Parker, and A.C. Smith, of the Institute of Food Research, Norwich, England, for their rigorous analysis of soggy breakfast cereal, published in the report entitled 'A Study of the Effects of Water Content on the Compaction Behaviour of Breakfast Cereal Flakes."

1993

CONSUMER ENGINEERING
Ron Popeil, incessant inventor and perpetual pitchman of late night television,  for redefining the industrial revolution with such devices as the Veg-O-Matic, the Pocket Fisherman, Mr. Microphone, and the Inside-the-Shell Egg Scrambler.

PEACE
The Pepsi-Cola Company of the Phillipines, suppliers of sugary hopes and dreams, for sponsoring a contest to create a millionaire, and then announcing the wrong winning number, thereby inciting and uniting 800,000 riotously expectant winners, and bringing many warring factions together for the first time in their nation's history.

PHYSICS  
Louis Kervran of France, ardent admirer of alchemy, for his conclusion that the calcium in chickens' eggshells is created by a process of cold fusion.

1992

CHEMISTRY
Ivette Bassa, constructor of colorfulcolloids, for her role in the crowning achievement of twentieth century chemistry, the synthesis of bright blue Jell-O.

NUTRITION
The utilizers of Spam, courageous consumers of canned comestib les, for 54 years of undiscriminating digestion.

1991

MEDICINE
Alan Kligerman, deviser of digestive deliverance, vanquisher of vapor, and inventor of Beano, for his pioneering work with anti- gas liquids that prevent bloat, gassiness, discomfort and
embarassment.

Guilty Pleasures

photo by dugglesworth

I was reading the Saveur Forums and someone posted the question, "Guilty Pleasures?  I was wondering what other people's secret and possibly scary food indulgences might be."

Intrigued, I read on... some I can relate with, others are disguising.  Nearly all of them are foods they had as children.  Here are some excerpts:

• "Peanut butter and Miracle Whip sandwich—on super soft white bread." 
• "I love to sip on the brine from a jar of capers." 
• "I love sliced cucumbers that have been soaked in a vinegar salt and onion brine on open faced peanut butter sandwiches.  I also love butter on slathered on saltine crackers and hot chocolate." 
• "Chocolate covered coffee beans dipped in Nutella" 
• "BUGLES.  Cheezos (only the crunchy kind).  Stinkin' Chef Boyardee pizza from a box." 
• "Spaghetti-O's with meatballs (no franks, please)" 
• "the hostess cupcake. You know the one with the white squiggle on it?" 
• "I get a ridiculous craving for a Big Mac once a year." 
• "A hostess twinkie, a small bag of cheetos (someone else said this one already) or an Entemann's honeybun (which has more fat grams than two big Macs by the way)." 
• "Bread (mostly Homemade) With Horseradish Mustard With Syrup To Top" 
• "noodles... Stir in some Campbell's tomato soup and top with Kraft parmesan (shaker cheese we used to call it)" 
• "When I was a kid, my sister and I used to enjoy sipping capfuls of vinegar. Malt vinegar was our favorite... We did the same with A-1 steak sauce. As an adult, my guilty pleasure is definitely circus peanuts... my oddly spongy treats." 
• "Guilty pleasure = Nutella off a spoon. Unusual childhood dish = Ricotta and Jelly on Toast." 
• "I was raised on this sandwich. At least twice a week for 18 years! Now I have gone all "classy" and have PB and Mayo. I still love it and it is fun to gross out your friends." 
• "I crave a peanutbutter sandwich with dill pickles. Or sometimes bread and butter pickles.  Or once a year or so I have to have Spaghetti-O's out of the can. I cannot abide them cooked, they smell like vomit and are too squishy." 
• "I have been known to take corn flakes and dip then in soft butter" 
• "Guys regular potato chips (not the waffle type), crushed, then placed between two pieces of squishy, insipid, white bread, which have been slathered with plain yellow mustard." 
• "Thinly sliced radishes, heavily salted, on buttered white bread."

My guilty pleasure?  An avocado, peanut butter and Vegemite sandwich.  Oh Lord!  My wife can barely even watch me eat one - but they're so good!  What are your guilty pleasures?

Clara's Depression Meals

If you haven't heard of Clara Cannucciari yet, you will, and likely in the near future.  She is a 93 year YOUNG great-grandmother from upstate New York.  Thanks to her grandson/filmmaker, Clara is a You Tube phenomenon and is completely en fuego right now.  With 10 videos, she has more than 800,000 views.

Maybe it's the economy that's driving her popularity.  She tells us:

"The winters, they were terrible.  And that's another thing.  We didn't have a refrigerator, so we used to put everything, bury it in the snow outside, that was our freezer.  Then we'd say, 'go get the meat, out near the fence, OK?' [she chuckles] That's sad.  I'm laughing, but it was sad... Everything was terrible, but we had good food."

She is so adorable:

"I've never used a cutting board.  We didn't have all the conveniences of a cutting board and stuff."

Here is one of her recipes; from Episodes 4 and 4.5:

Peppers & Eggs - "You can't have peppers and eggs without bread"

3 Bell Peppers, she uses yellow and red
4 eggs 

The recipe comes from her mother.  Clara says that, in high school, she once traded her 'Peppers and Eggs Sandwich' with a girl who handed her a Spaghetti Sandwich.  She says, "I was so disappointed.  Never again.  I'm not trading with anybody."

She continues:

"The bag would get all full of oil but everybody wanted our sandwiches.  Everybody would have a dry sandwich with salami or ham.  We had peppers and eggs.  'Wanna trade sandwiches?' - 'No' she would say, 'we don't want to trade.'"

First you clean out the peppers, take out the seeds, and you slice them long and relatively thin.  She says you should keep the seeds, dry them, and plant them so that you have peppers for next year (obviously).  Fry the strips in a shallow pan with some oil, with some salt, until they start to brown.

Beat the 4 eggs together with a fork.  Pour them over the cooked peppers in the pan. "Then you mix them in until they settle.  and then, they're done."

Fresh bread

Flour
Warm water
Yeast

In a large bowl, make a well out of the flour, and crumble the yeast into the middle of the well.  Dissolve the yeast  by adding water, and knead.  Continue adding water and mixing with your hands until it comes to a dry-clay consistency.  Cover with a towel and allow for it to rise.

Once the first rise is done, divide the mass into loaves and put into loaf pans.  Cover, and allow to rise again. With a knife, make some slits across the top.  Bake at 350 until they're golden. 

Limoncello Variations

Two years ago when Danny DeVito was on Jimmy Kimmel Live drinking his Limoncello and cooking with Mario Batali, I wonder how many people he introduced the liqueur to with his shenanigans.  (I wonder how many people were introduced to Mario and his funky orange footwear too...) but back to drinks.

Lemoncello is an Italian digestivo which is drunk following a meal and supposed to aid in digestion.  Digestivos are not very popular in the US; although Fernet Branca is having a renaissance of sorts (a "ginger back" anyone) - though I think they're becoming more commonplace.

Supposedly limoncello easy to make (according to what I've read, although I have never attempted to make any) - all you need is sugar, water, lemons, alcohol, and time.  Start with the highest proof alcohol you can find, this ensures a more complete extraction of lemony goodness.  Essentially, you peel the lemons and allow them to soak in the booze; add sugar.

Limoncelllo Quest is a wonderful website devoted to making your own lemoncello and one day I will follow it to the T.  "A Personal Pilgrimage to Create the Perfect Lemoncello" - Limoncelllo Quest begins, "Step One: Cut a hole in the box. (Just kidding.)"  Hilarious, I like it already.

"Kumquatcello" Photo courtesy of Sippity Sup

Our friend Greg at Sippity Sup is working on a lemoncello variant made with kumquats.  Brilliant!  He's inviting suggestions for names because "Kumquatcello" sounds a bit awkward, and I agree.  I suggested "Fortuncello" because the kumquat's genus is Fortuna and I think it has a nice ring to it.  It sounds intriguing and I hope it works.

Aperol
Along the same theme as lemoncello is Mandarino (made with Mandarin oranges), Zenzerino (made with ginger), Raspicello (made with raspberries), and Peachcello (made with peaches).  An interesting liqueur I was recently introduced to is Aperol - which is made with oranges and, strangely enough, rhubarb.  Here is the sparkling cocktail we made with it:

Orange Aperol Sun (adapted from Joanne Weir)

2 jiggers of Aperol
2 jiggers of fresh orange juice (we used blood oranges)
1 750ml bottle Prosecco
Thin orange slices (for garnish)
Ice cubes

Combine --> Consume.

The McNuggetini

When I saw this I couldn't stop laughing.  Yes, laughing out-loud, and to myself.  It epitomizes everything gluttonous and outrageous that America still has left to stand on.  It is so unapologetically both panache and bas-cuisine.

Imagine Vodka meets Ronald McDonald; first they try to make small talk, then they go out to dinner.  Drinks ensue.  In the end, Ronald's red Afro gets caught on fire as he goes running down Sunset Boulevard screaming something about how the Filet-O-Fish was for Catholics.

When Vodka and Mr. McDonald cross paths again, (at a casting call for Celebrity Fit Club 4, no less) several weeks later, referring to the moment as "awkward" would be like calling Chernobyl a "wardrobe malfunction." They decide to never enter the same state together again, but they do; however, agree on one thing.  The subtle nuance behind a well-made McNuggettini.

The McNuggetini is the result of months of hard work. 

(via thisrecording.com) - by Georgia Hardstark

"McNuggitini

Recipe by Alie and Georgia

Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 0 minutes
Yield: 2 servings

Ingredients:

2 McNuggz (plus more for snacking)
1 tub McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce (plus more for licking off pinky finger)
1 lg. Mcdonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake (plus more for bringing all the boys to the yard)
1 bottle Vanilla Vodka (recommended brand: Absolut)

Open the McDonalds bag. Eat one McNugg each, followed by two bites of the Filet-o-Fish (make sure you don’t tell anyone that you eat Filet-o-Fishes).

Mix three or four shots of vanilla vodka in the McDonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake, followed by one shot each directly into your mouth.

Rim each martini glass with McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce, and pour milkshake/vodka mixture into the glass. Garnish with a McNugg (which is to be swiped along barbeque sauce rimmed glass after the milkshake has been finished, and consumed with pure, unadulterated glee)."

Can Baconaise Save Your Life?

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Jon Stewart on his Daily Show poked fun of Baconaise the other night and I was compelled to learn more.  Not only is the product Kosher! - but there is a Baconaise Lite, which packs in only 3g of fat per serving, AND they have a chart that explains how using Original Baconaise instead of 3 slices of real bacon - can cut the fat content of a Turkey Club by 50%.  Using Baconaise Lite will cut the fat content by more than 85%!

So I suppose the question becomes, "Can Baconaise Save You Life?"

These miracle spreads (dare I call them?) are made by a company called JD Foods.  So what else is going on in the heads of these people?  

Enter Bacon Salt, "a low sodium, zero calorie, zero fat, vegetarian and kosher seasoning that makes everything taste like bacon."  Interestingly, their mission was to bring the joy of bacon to vegetarians and those who adhere to kosher law.

Is this altruism? Unadulterated genius?

I'll have to try some before I make that call.  What makes their story even more bizarre is that their first set of funding came from winning $5,000 on America's Funniest Home Videos.

The salt amazingly comes in 9 flavors: Original, Hickory, Peppered, Natural, Applewood, Maple, Cheddar, Jalapeno, and Mesquite.  

 (from video) "Bacon needs to pace himself!" - man in bacon suit.

Fuzzy’s Grub

photo by Loren Tama

I had worked on Fleet Street (London) before; in fact I spent four months working there last year.  I am, therefore, well-acquainted with the food options.  Somehow during my recent stint, however, I had thus far neglected my old Fleet Street favorite.  Here’s how I rediscovered it:



It was 12:35PM on a work day, and I was borderline hangry from not eating since breakfast four hours prior.  Lost in the frantic tasks of my day job, I donned my coat and absent-mindedly stepped onto the sidewalk, lacking an intended destination.  It was cold outside, and my fight-or-flight instincts drove my body to override conscious thought.  Steered by my stomach, my feet moved, one in front of the other, and pointed me west up Fleet Street.  Minutes later, my mind caught up with my body as I stood before my epicurean destiny of the day: Fuzzy’s Grub.



For you neophytes, Fuzzy’s is an English eating establishment whose bovine emblem attracts droves of hungry people (men, mostly) to its eight London locations.  The location I prefer has two or three measly stools in the window, but it is primarily a place to grab some lunch before hurrying back to the office to beat time and temperature.  Fuzzy’s is an eatery of choices.  Customers choose a type of roast meat, a vessel (dish or sandwich), and a variety of toppings.  On this glorious afternoon, my stomach said something like this: “roast turkey on ciabatta with stuffing, mashed potatoes, roast carrots, peas, cranberry sauce, gravy, and Yorkshire pudding.”



Upon arriving back at the office, I sat at my work table flanked at the elbows by two co-workers.  As I unwrapped my meal (not sandwich; MEAL), comments and questions abounded about the size and contents.  My male colleague understood when I simply relayed the famous namesake of the meal’s origin.  He proceeded to explain the allure to my female colleague, allowing me to focus on carefully unwrapping and devouring the wonderfulness.  About halfway through my tasty task, the male colleague glanced at the slop of turkey, peas, and carrots that had fallen to the wrapper.



“You’re never going to finish that,” he said.

“Uhuh,” I protested with a mouthful.



And I did.  I ate every last scrap of turkey, every drop of gravy, and every single pea that fell to the paper.  And that – that commitment, that desire, that satisfaction – that is Fuzzy’s Grub.

Silly Foodie Gear

 

Dough-Nu-Matic Doughnut Maker (via Overstock) - $129.99
I wonder what the ROI is on one of these babies! 

USB Powered Lunchbox (via Tokyo Mango) - about $20
I can't believe this is real... 

WAKE n' BACON (via mathlete.com) - one of a kind
An alarm clock that wakes you with the smell of freshly cooked bacon.  I can't believe I don't have one of these already... 

Bill Clinton Corkscrew (via Overstock) - $29.99
There's a Hilary nutcracker too.  No really.  There is. 

Almost X Rated Cookie Cutters (via Lacuisineus.com) - $20-$44
There's a gingerbread man also... it's a little more, graphic.

Vita-Mix 5201 XL Variable Speed Blender (via Blender World) - $1,806.31
When you make a ton of margeritas, only an $1,800 blender will do... 

Witmer Company Peanut Butter Mixer (via Amazon) - $8.99
For all those times you need your peanut butter mixed... stat!

Malcolm Gladwell Speaks at TED on Spaghetti Sauce

Malcolm Gladwell is the best-selling author of "The Tipping Point" and "Blink".  In this short lecture from a TED conference he dives into how data gathered by Howard Moskowitz and food companies during the 1980's led them to embrace the diversity of people's tastes and provide more diversity of products.  He uses spaghetti sauce, mustard, and coffee as examples.

Valentine's Dinner Injury

So I cut end of my finger making a Filet Mingon Dinner for my sweetie on Valentine's Day.  Luckily I had these AWESOME Fried Egg Bandages to stop the bleeding AND make me look cool.   They come in Archie McPhee's Bacon & Eggs Bandage Assortment which I wrote about earlier in I Love Bacon - and Bacon Toys.  

Is King Cake Dangerous? Not Nearly as Much as Mochi

photo by Kristin Brenemen

Fat Tuesday is right around the corner and I'm hearing more and more about King Cake.  A  friend of mine in college, Lucas, was from New Orleans and my first experience with King Cake was when his mom sent him one all the way to our dorm in California to celebrate.  

I was the lucky guy who found the little plastic baby inside.

Lucas had failed to mention there was a choking hazard buried in there...

Thank God no one was hurt or killed but it got me wondering, has anyone died from King Cake?

I dug and dug through the internet and although I couldn't find anything conclusive - that doesn't mean it hasn't happened.  I did; however, find that Mochi [the squishy marshmallow-like Japanese rice cakes] seem to kill a few elderly people each year during New Years in Japan.  

No way.  Really?  

Really.

This Associated Press clipping claims four elderly Tokyo residents died in the first two days of 1996 while choking on Mochi, and that the rice cakes had claimed the lives of five more in the first three days of 1995 as well.

In 2000 - Elderly choke on year end delicacy

In 2001 - 'Mochi' claims three more elderly

In 2007 - Four choke to death on 'mochi'

From the Japan Times, "According to data compiled by the health ministry, 4,407 people died by choking in 2006. By age, about 85 percent were over 65... By type of food, "mochi" pounded rice was the top culprit."  Again, I couldn't find any hard data but I'm starting to think that Mochi kills more people each year than sharks!

Whether it is the baby in the King Cake or a scrumptious ball of delicious yet deadly mochi, if something goes awry - and the Heimlich fails - you can always try the vacuum like this woman successfully did, Daughter uses vacuum cleaner to save dad's life (via Japan Times).

Happy Fat Tuesday!

Inside the Mind of Chef Boyardee

photo by architekt2

If Ettore Boiardi only knew what ConAgraFoods was doing with his name (albiet Americanized) he would likely not approve.  The story of Boiardi (from Wikipedia):

"The Chef Boyardee product began when its founder, Ettore Boiardi, founded an Italian restaurant, Giardino d'Italia, at East 9th Street and Woodland Avenue in Cleveland, Ohio.  People began asking Ettore for his recipe and samples of his ingredients, and as demand grew he opened a factory in 1928 to keep up with orders.

Ten years later, he moved his factory to Milton, Pennsylvania. When his product began mass-distributing, he decided to name his product "Boy-Ar-Dee" to help Americans properly pronounce his name."

I'm all for getting creative but with reagards to food, a line needs to be drawn where children especially begin to become alienated from what they're actually eating.  How is a 6 year old suppose to draw the conclusion that his pasta dinosaurs came from a field of Semolina?

Here are some of the more off-the-wall products with the Chef Boyardee label on them:

ABC's 'n 123's Mini Meatballs - Nothing says delicious like food shaped like letters and numbers. 

Beefaroni - I have nothing to say about this one.

BIG Beefaroni - A bigger version of the previous entry that made me speechless.

Cheesy Burger Macaroni - I like cheeseburgers AND macaroni; however, I don't think they should be stuffed into a can together.

Cheesy Burger Ravioli - Same "two dishes, one can" rule applies for ravioli.

Chili Cheese Dog Twistaroni - A new pasta appears here, the twistaroni, not to be confused with Fusilli.

Dinosaurs with Mini Meatballs - There's nothing quite like a perfectly al dente dinosaur.

Mini Bites Micro Beef Ravioli - I prefer my Micro Beef meduim rare.

Mini Bites Mini Ravioli with Mini Meatballs - Perfect for jockeys?

Nacho Cheese Twistaroni - The twistaroni with a Mexican... twist?  Pun intended.

Pepperoni Pizzazaroli - Ahh, the Pizzazaroli.  Don't confuse this with Pizzoccheri.

Strange Sundries - Odd Canned Meats

I recently discovered The Hard To Find Grocer's online store where you can revisit those sometimes-odd tastes from your childhood.  I've been perusing the virtual aisles and been finding all sorts of goodies worth trying.  What immediately intrigued me was Aisle 8: Canned Meats, Canned Pasta, Chili, and Soups.

I was hoping to find one regional favorite close to my heart, Cincinnati Chili.  Having never heard of it before, my wife introduced me to Cincinnati Chili in my early 20's - which is a beef sauce made with pie spices (cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, etc.) and poured over spaghetti.  Once the novelty wears off, it can be pretty good when done right.  

Although they don't have any "Cinici Chili", they did have some other fun stuff.  So without further adieu, let's check out what The Hard To Find Grocer has to offer on aisle 8: 

Tony Packo's Hot Dog Sauce with Beef - "The authentic sauce that tops the Hungarian dogs at Tony Packo's in Toledo - made famous by Corporal Klinger of M*A*S*H* fame in the mid-70's. Tony's original recipe remains a closely held secret!" - Maybe Jimmie Hoffa got whacked by Tony Packo and ended up in a can of hot dog sauce...

Wolf Brand Hot Dog Sauce - "The Original Wolf recipe was developed in 1895 by a Texas ranch cook. Sold in Corsicana, TX in front of the Blue Front saloon for 5 cents a bowl, it soon became a hit! This unique blend of spices, seasonings and lean cuts of beef has flavored the lives of generations." - This looks a lot like Cincinnati Chili... or the dog got sick again...

Sweet Sue Whole Chicken in a Can - "One whole chicken, ready for soups, stews and quick dinners. Great to have on hand in your pantry for emergency dinners. Sweet Sue, a division of Sara Lee." - First of all, I'm wondering how big is this can?  Secondly, I'm thinking this would be perfect for all those times when I thought to myself... I wish I had a whole chicken in a can right now...

Underwood Chicken Spread - "Begun more than 170 years ago on Boston's Russia Wharf by William Underwood. Underwood's canned foods were among staples pioneers took westward in their covered wagons. The "Underwood Devil" appeared in 1870 as a descriptive logo for the process of "deviling"(ground meat processed with special seasonings). The oldest existing trademark still stands for quality and great taste!" - If you prefer your chicken in a spreadable application, this was made just for you...

Armour Potted Meat Spread - "Delicious on crackers or for use in recipes, also creates a hearty sandwich. Convenient on the shelf or on the go!" - I like how the can's tagline is, "Made with Chicken and Beef."  Well in that case, I'll take a dozen!  The other juicy slice of advertising temptation on the label is, "America's Favorite."  Is this really true?  Is Armour brand America's favorite meat spread?  So many questions, so few answers...

Mysterious Manhattan Smell? Don't Worry, It's Only Fenugreeksci

photo by zoyachubby

There has been a wafting smell reminiscent of maple syrup in the Big Apple lately - causing bioterrorism concerns for many.  The occurrence has happened as far back in recent memory as October 2005, the NY Times reports, and it has been so potent as to have sparked a press conference by Mayor Bloomberg (via Gothamist).  Bloomberg states, “It wasn’t exactly akin to searching for a needle in a haystack, but a smell over a very large area.”  How perspicuous.

Investigators followed the scent to a  fragrance company in New Jersey called Frutarom who the Wall Street Journal's Health Blog suspects may be using fenugreek to refine a substitute for maple syrup flavor.  I only know fenugreek from Indian Cuisine, but what immediately strikes me is that fenugreek is the only spice in our cupboard that requires extra sequestering.  

Our fenugreek is not only a sealed zip-top bag, but that bag needs to be placed inside a Tupperware also in order to keep it from scenting everything in the cupboard "curry."  I suppose if there is one spice that could cross the Hudson, frighten the pants off of tens of thousands of citizens of New York City and make them think they were under attack... it would have to be fenugreek.